That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
