but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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