Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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