Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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