ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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