hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
