I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
