he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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