In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
