Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
