Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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