Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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