Pappa wants mamma naked
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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