Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
