If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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