I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
