I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
