you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
