Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize