My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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