no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize