after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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