explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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