I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
