Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize