Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
