I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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