This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
