Where did you get a picture of my penis
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
