Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
