My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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