She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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