i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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