I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
