im six kinds of drunk right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize