Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
