Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
