My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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