I'm really into asian looking animals
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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