Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
