He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
