just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
