I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
