Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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