I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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