Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
