I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
