they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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