Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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