Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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