..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
