why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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