i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize