woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
