you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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