i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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