So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
