That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
