So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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