The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
