Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
