I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
