Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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