Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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