i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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