just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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