dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
