bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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