I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
