walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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