I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
