We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
