awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
