Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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