I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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