he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
