Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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