We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
