you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
